June/July

A strong finish to the season and the £7m permanent signing of Jonathan Woodgate created a growing mood of optimism in the early parts of 2007. This was not to last, as Mark Viduka cleared off to join Sam Allardyce’s lardy, sour-faced revolution up the road. Thousands of Boro fans suddenly agreed that they never liked him anyway and that we were better rid of the greedy, work-shy get. Several of those same fans intriguingly interpret the word “chance” as “cast iron guarantee” after Steve Gibson attempts to raise morale.

A bemused Tuncay Sanli becomes subject of the heated “spectaculars” debate after signing from Fenerbahce, Luke Young and Jeremie Aliadiere less so. Yakubu shamelessly whores himself to Man City, Everton and Pompey, the first evidence of movement from the Nigerian in several months. There were more concrete departures as Abel Xavier headed for Los Angeles, Stuart Parnaby went to Birmingham and Danny Graham went to fulfil his destiny as a farmhand, with occasional weekends turning out for Carlisle. Malcolm Christie was released, presumably into the wilderness as he appears to have vanished from the face of the earth.

August

Amidst grumbling from the fans and a defensive injury crisis, the season kicks off with the visit of Blackburn. Boro pleasantly surprise the Riverside by starting purposefully, even taking the lead through Stewart Downing’s deflected free kick. If watching Derbyshire and Santa Cruz snaffle the three points for Rovers was disappointing, the trip to Wigan four days later was infuriating. An anaemic 1-0 defeat is exacerbated by a breathtakingly idle display from Yakubu. Everton offer £11m and half of Teesside offer to give him a piggy back to Merseyside.

Still seeking a replacment for Viduka, Gareth Southgate isolates the man idle, moody and overweight enough for the task. A half-fit Mido (is there any other kind?) galvanises his new team to a spectacularly jammy win at Fulham. The three points were secured with the help of a shocking goalkeeping error, a last minute goal and a linesman’s decision that was frankly unbelievable.

Jonathan Woodgate climbs off his sickbed for the Tyne-Tees derby. Despite falling behind twice, including the inevitable Viduka goal, Julio Arca nicks a draw with a super late volley. Teessiders laugh merrily atop their high horse as our friends in the north are portrayed as moronic bigots in the national press.

Those smiles turn to slack-jawed disbelief as Lee Dong Gook finally opens his Boro account in the League Cup tie with Northampton Town.

September

Boro hit the top half of the table for the only time all season as Birmingham are swatted aside on a balmy Riverside afternoon. “The best display since I became manager,” says Gareth Southgate. “Absolute shite”, says Steve Bruce. Its all downhill from here, this 2-0 humping proved to be Boro’s last league win until December.

The attractive football at least survived in a bizarre 3-0 defeat at West Ham. Tuncay carves open the Hammers’ defence several times yet somehow conspires to avoid scoring. Luke Young is given one chance to beat Schwarzer and doesn’t need asking twice. The frustration continues against Sunderland a week later as Downing’s second half belter is topped by Liam Miller’s ludicrous last minute equaliser. Injuries to Tuncay, Arca and Mido compound Boro’s woe and expose the threadbare attacking options in the squad.

Tom Craddock makes his first appearance of the season as interest in the Carling Cup ends at Tottenham and finishes a turgid 2-0 defeat at Everton playing up front with David Wheater.

October

The slide down the table continues with a dispiriting defeat at in-form Manchester City. Craddock is given a thankless task as lone striker and Boro’s gameplan is torpedoed by a emphatic own goal from Chris Riggott in the opening ten minutes. Elano’s impressive brace has the game sealed long before Ben Hutchinson nabs his one and only Boro goal.

The opposition open the score within ten minutes for the fourth week running as Chelsea cruise to a 2-0 win at the Riverside. Boro’s attacking threat is reduced to a couple of vaguely menacing throw-ins. Lesson learned, Boro set off for Old Trafford and defend stoutly for at least 2 minutes before Nani spanks a 30 yarder in. Jeremie Aliadiere stuns the crowd, and quite possibly himself, by breaking his Boro duck with a looping header soon after but it doesn’t last. Boro lose 4-1 and are now on the cusp of the bottom three.

( Part 2 now up )

Iggy Pop Barker