So Keith, your going to give us some key points about the impacts of global credit crunch and the mass failure of the banking system, and specifically, the measures that MFC are taking to combat this economic crisis.Yes

OK then Keith, the floors yours

Right cheers, it’s obviously important at this time to ensure that you spread your savings across a number of areas so that your not caught out by the failure of one them.

Right Keith so what do you recommend, gilts, US treasury bonds or what about good old fashioned gold?

Well, we looked into those and thought that we’d put half of our cash in the back of Gibbos sock drawer, only his mam would look there, and the other half is in a plaggy bag in the fridge behind the bar in Hurworth. We thought about gold, Cash Converts on Linny road have some blob on soverign rings.

Pardon?

It’s on a plaggy bag in a fridge behind the bar in, oh, I see what I’ve done now, I’ve told everyone havn’t I? Best move it.

So Keith, the MFC finances are safe?

I should co-co, have you smelt Gibbos socks? Anyone who is brave enough to go into his sock drawer is a brave bloke and frankly he’s welcome to the cash.

Right, moving swiftly along how have you changed how money is spent at MFC?

We have clamped down on all of the ways to spend money at MFC, if you can’t spend it, you can’t waste it.

How have you done this Keith, have you banned agents ?

Well the first thing we did is cancel the papers, have you seen the price of a Gazette lately? And all you get is bloody Vickers or the scales of justice. Rubbish, utter rubbish, oh and Gibbo took a look at how much we were spending on tea and coffee, so the kitchen staff have been told to shop at Lidl, and if we go to Starbucks (with some one else paying OBVIOUSLY) we always grab a pocket full of those sugar sachets. I doubt if we’ll have to buy a bag of sugar this size of xmas <Keith looks smug>

Well I suppose the fans want to know how you are going to finance expensive signings? The glamour players we all want to see? Have you opened a credit stream to fund these critical purchases?

Easy, we’ve opened up a Provi account, they will pop round once a fortnight and we give them a fiver a time, really friendly people, the woman who collects the money went to school with our Brenda.

Oh for …….