I think I am starting to get the hang of this posh estate lark. I can see why our kid was so taken with it. It is all about the way you talk to them.The knock off gear is not going as well as I thought,  top quality Taiwanese Rolexes as well,  and I need a bit more wedge so thought I would try and get a protection racket going, sorry “offer insurance cover” - especially as there are a couple of my top boys coming down here next week. They are easy to spot on the coach - always on the front seat and anyone who wants to take them better be ready for a ruck.

I started with that 9 bob note up the road. Looked like he was getting ready for a party and the outfit scared the life out of me so kept it short and sweet.

“Ere, woofter, a word in your shell like” I said , and I told him what was going down (and it wasnj’t me, I’ll go to toe to toe with any of em)  and to start off with he refused. I laid down what would happen to him and he was happy to part with the dosh. Lovely. Though I do pity some nutter who is trying to sculpt Nick Barmby into his front lawn. Freak.

I wasn’t as lucky with the rest of the village. Most wanted to talk about Christmas. Still I have an invite to most of the village’s houses over the next couple of weeks. They had better play ball or I’ll be going back uninvited, know what I mean ?

That old tart at the far end of the village worries me. Decided to do the tactful approach and take a knock off shaver for her grandson as a way in. She would not stop wittering about how the shaver was named after her. That Austrian gadge is always hanging around her too. When I asked about his family he looked me in the eye and said “Do Not Worry, mein children are all under complete control”. They freak me out more than the woofters. Not sure whether to give this house a miss after all …..