So Keith, whats your message to Boro fans this festive season?

Now then gadge, my message would be ” Teesside will get the Christmas it can afford”, I’m rather proud of that phrase, it’s nearly as good as that one the bloke on the radio has about carpets, yunno “I love lino me”

 OK Keith, what ever….a lot of Boro fans have raised concerns about Stuie Downing leaving, have you anything to say about this?

I can say with absolute conviction that the club has yet to  receive a formal bid for anyone

Really?

Yeah, really.

How do you explain this then Keith?

Easy, took the paper out of the fax machine and unplugged the phone, Gibbos been wandering about all week with his fingers in his ears going “la la la” when ever some one trys to talk to him.

OK then Keith, has the club been affected by the credit crunch?

Nope, we are fully up to date on the Provi and we havn’t had to fall back on the emergency reserves

Emergency reserves Keith?

Our lasses rainy day fund, she has a jar in the kitchen,  “just in case” if you see what I mean

Whats your hopes for the New Year then Keith?

The usual, peace and good will to all men, an end to poverty, the world economic downturn to be arrested, Zimbabwe to have a transition to a liberal democratic government, peace in the middle east and British troops to return safely from Iraq and Afghanistan.

Bloody hell Keith, your not asking for much

It was that or six points over Christmas, I went with the realistic option