Now then gadgies. Well the day finally came to get out of the Boro and back down South. I always have a bag packed ready for a quick getaway just in case – you know the stuff, “our mam’s verruca’s need filing”, “job centre” “want a word”, “the committee in the Priory want a word”, stuff like that.

Anyroad Biff’s stuff finally arrived, top notch too and he said there would be more to follow. Just hope I can convince the locals to purchase some. Then I was just enjoying me pint when they mentioned about a coat of paint for the walls. Well the pint was downed and the bags and our lass were chucked into the car  in about 5 minutes flat, last time I moved that quick it was closing time in the Huntsman in Hemo and “Mogg the chippy” was getting them in. This time she isn’t in the boot, I must be slipping in my old age. Sod that if they think I am lifting a finger.

On the way down our lass was a clumsy cow, stopped at the services and she knocks the chewing gum counter over. Cloret everywhere. Worse still they wanted me to pay for all the ones she stood on. I’d take it out of her housekeeping, if I gave her any.

So I arrive back down sarf a little light on the old wedge front. Time to pay a visit to the neighbours I think. It didn’t take much convincing to be honest. Most begged for 24 hours so they could “sell” something  to me and pay me for the trouble of taking it away. They are a good bunch, as soft southern nacy boys go. Even the old gadgie with no jewellery to sell offered me his suite – pure PVC ….nice. It looks a treat in my front room now. And I did the neighbourly thing and gave him a couple of deckchairs to sit on. He should think himself lucky, as a nipper in Costa street all we had to sit on was an empty Lowcocks crate and the fat kid from next door.

That lanky woofter has been staring at me. I guess he’s still angry at what I did to his other half. He gives me the creeps so I avoid eye contact. He finally came up and said he “wants a word”. This should be fun. I have plenty of ornaments I can put where the sun don’t shine, at high speed. Elizabeth Duke meets Ann Summers sort of arrangement.

In the meantime I think I have come up with a great way to shift all Biff’s stuff without having to lift a finger. I see about hosting the next of those Neighbourhood watch thingies – get our lass to put a spread on and watch the money roll in. Nice. Till next time ….be lucky.