Well it’s me Mystic Dave here again to see if I can contact someone from the other side to predict the Championship fixtures. Bit gutted the Boro lost a couple, I mean who could see that coming (errrr, how about you ….. Ed)

Well my spirit guides are bringing something forward, Oh my God, it’s none other than the Essex Egghead herself,Β Jade Goody.

Ear, wots appenin – bet you lot missed me. Big Bruva just ain’t the same wivart me. Wots Jack (Allegedly… Ed) bin up to the dirty barstard. I knew it was a mistake introducing him to Maaalon King and Bling Dyer (Allegedly…Ed). I bet vey gave im sum coaching. I know I told im e cud shag arand after I popped me clogs but e shud at least ask first, they arent all big slappas like me you know.

Wot u want me to do, predict the football scores ? I dont know nuffink abart football so I will say Sarfend will win. I like Sarfend it’s the only place I’ve seen a worse packed kebab than mine. Wot you mean Sarfend aint in this league, who is in this league anyway?? Middlesbara ? They are in the middle of the country aint they ? Ooo vey playin, Ipstich – I dunno where vey are from so I fink vey will lose.

Coventry – is vat where no one speaks or where everyone gets sent ? Anyway they will lose vey are playing a place named after tits so vey av no chance.

I fink I will stick and say the suvern teams will win like West Brom and Preston. Watford are norverners they will lose. I ate norverners. Its coz of them I got booted off celebrity Big Bruva. Fancy taking Shettys side ova me. Bastards.Β 

I fink Doncaster will win too if they are playing a bunch of libra …… librarrr …… people who work wiv books. Oh I recognise Crystal Palace they r close to Landan so I fink they will win too. An Blackpool I did panto there so they shud win too. Not too far from me on the sarf coast is Blackpool.

As for the rest just say neiver team will win or lose. Or vey might. Oh I dunno wots wiv all the questions. You know I’m no good wiv them.

The spirits are pulling back now. Thanks for that Jade, god I feel as thick as pigshit now. I just hope we can get someone with a brain next week.

Until then, remember if I’m a medium Steve Wright is an extra small. Toodles ……