Its Autumn 2009, Middlesbrough FC are in the Championship and in the hunt for promotion back to the Premier League. This triggers off Gibbo to start the search for a new manager.

Gibbo has despatched his loyal servant Keith Lamb to hunt down a little Scotsman going by the name of Wee Gordon Strachan (or as local female reporters called him, Wee chewy c**t).

Lamb has made the initial contact and has arranged to meet Strachan in a service station just off the M1 (one of those old style roads).

Gibbo is sat in his 2up, 2down on the isle of Jersey awaiting a progress report from Lamb , when his phone rings –

Gibbo – Now Lamby, is he there yet ?

Lamb – No Boss, I’ve just got here and I’ve positioned myself so I can see when he’ll be here.

Gibbo – Keith, are you stood in the ladies again, you know what the court order says ?

Lamb - No boss !!!!

Gibbo - Good lad, now remember, tell him how he’s our number one choice and do not mention your hatred of ginger

Lamb - Whoooaaa, is he a f***ing ginog like ?

Gibbo – Did I not tell ya ? Eee must have slipped me mind….anyway I prefer the term “strawberry blonde”

Lamb - Awww boss, you know I don’t like ginners ever since that bird made me do stuff to her when I was 16

Gibbo – Shurrup whining yer tosser, anyway how is your Auntie Mavis ?

Lamb – F**k off boss. And then you signed that Stamp just to wind me up, knowing farn well he was s**t and to cap it all you then turned down Terry Venables for the managers job just so you could employ another ginog in Mclaren, just to wind me up, yer nowt but a t**t

Gibbo – Ok, ok, I’m sorry, now will you stop moaning now ?

Lamb - Fair do’s………….. ….So he’s ginger, sorry “strawberry blonde”, how else will I recognise the gadgie ?

Gibbo - He’s not the tallest bloke like…..

 

(Lamb interrupts)

 

Lamb – Ere Boss, you’ll never guess who’s just walked in here, O my God I can’t believe it, go on have a guess…

Gibbo – How the f**k do I know when I can’t see you doyle ?

Lamb - I’ll give you a clue, used to be one of the blokes in a Jock comedy ….

Gibbo - Is that it ?

Lamb - His Dad in the show used to be a right scruffy t**t, wore a string vest.

Gibbo – Gordon Brown ? Oh hang on, hang on………………GASH !!

Lamb – That’s the one !!……Erm no its not they’re a bit closer now. O my God you’re not going to believe who it is….

Gibbo - Who is it ??…….. Who is it ????

Lamb - Remember that double act where a weirdo bloke had his missus dressed as a school boy……Awww what were they called again…..

Gibbo - S**t, I know who you mean Lamby…….THE KEEGANS

Lamb – Not them for f***s sake, and anyway she used to make him dress up..

Gibbo – Good point well presented Lamby, lets think………..Ahhh gorit The Krankies

Lamb – That’s them, well its defo him like…..or is it her ??

Gibbo – Get his (or her) autograph for us mate…..

Lamb – Hang on, he, she, it is walking towards me, O my god, hang on it wants to talk to me, two seconds boss……..

 

stranger speaks

 

GS - Och, are yoo Kerth Lamb ?

Lamb - Yes, I’ve always been a fan of yours ever since I was in my early twenties

GS – Eh ? I’m Wee Gordon.

Lamb – And ? Anyway Gordon who, I thought you were called Jimmy

GS – Jimmy ? <pauses> Och don’t set your lip up Big Man

 

Gibbo screams down phone

 

Gibbo – Gordon f***ing Strachan Lamby, you thick get

Lamb - Sorry Gibbo, what did you say….

Gibbo – I can hear and that’s Strachan, Jesus wept…………

Lamb – Ahh I see………*turns to speak to GS* Sorry about that Gadge, I thought you were one of those Krankies

 

Thwack

Sound of phone bouncing on a carpark and a distant “me doze, you’ve broke me doze, yah ginger c**t yev broke me dozeâ€�

 

GS – Aye Gibbo, I’ve just Glasgee kissed yer man, I think we need to have a chat big man..he’s need a spell in A&E, dinnae let this happen again…………

 

Gibbo - Errmmmm, yes you’re right, ermmm I’ll ring you back……..