Well, I’m back. I never thought I would get asked to do this again but since the original predictions the amount of dead stars wanting to do this has been amazing. Politicians, film stars, everyone. Imagine trying to read Mrs Perkins from down the roads palm  and all of a sudden Patrick Swayze calls me a dozy twat for predicting Coventry to draw with Newcastle. Bizarre.

Anyroad, I’ve been keeping up the diet to keep my figure in shape (is “round” a shape?). All I need now is a decent internet stream  and lets get on with the football.

There’s a stirring in my waters, and no it’s not last nights cabbage and sprout balti. I think we have a visitor….. it’s “Mcqueen”…. Hollywood Legend Steve ??? No …. ex Man U defender Gordon, ne he’s not dead, just on his 9th pint of lager in the The Bull in Yarm ??? No, oh it’s only Ace fashion designer Alexander. Alex, what are you doing here?? you’re not even cold yet?

“Well Dave, I wanted to thank my fans for their support over the years and their glowing tributes. Plus there is always someone on here always talking about being bummed senseless by others so I thought I’d check it out.”

“You were found hanging in your wardrobe – like most of the clothes you designed eh ? ”

“Don’t get smart with me or I’ll send Lady GaGa round. GaGa’s a real mans man – smash your fookin’ face in he will, she will, you know what I mean”.

“Erm … moving on then - the last thing I want is a beating from the alledged man beast of pop, over to you for this weeks predictions.”

“Well the colours of the season are black and white, though I wish the fans would wear pastel, just not that awful “Only Gay In The Village Yellow” though. The Geordies will continue their power up the table and their points total will grow as fas as their waistline.

Their local rival should ditch the red and go for brown according to the strange bloke in the corner of the train. Used to drive me mad he did, spent the whole journey mumbling “ginger … scot …. wrecked … club … git …. kept … mate … gareth” over and over and over. Enough to make someone top themself. Hang on, I did, silly me. Anyway, I see no luck for the team in Red this weekend.

Plymouth’s green is a very ‘in’ colour and deserves more than the donkeys parading in it, BUT the true blue will conquer them.

I’m predicting a draw in the brightest game of the day … Scunthorpe v my old mate Eltons team - Watford - a real plethora of colour.

As for the rest - stay at home on Saturday, it’s best for value. And Sunday is one for the away team as the bristols sag again.”

“Thanks Alex, are you enjoying heaven, so where are you off too now ? ” I’m off the Stephen Gatley’s cloud for a pool party. It’s great there we all get to use Stuart Lubbock as a lilo”

“Um ….. On that note I’ll leave you - until next time, and remember mines a large not a medium.”