Well another week has past and it’s gone quicker than a kebab down my throat. Speaking of which I’ve really been piling down the takeaways this week. Think every continent has been scoffed by good ol’ me. Saw me mate ordering his “slimmers delight” of Large Doner and Chips Calzone with garlic and chilli sauce and a salad (hence the slimmers). Kept going on about his hatred of frogs with dodgy ankles – he must know more than me as I can’t remember seeing a French Restaurant round these part (unless that where he does his bumming …)

Well I’ve got a burning in me waters. I hope it’s someone coming through and not the result of the other night with dodgy Debbie from Dormanstown. Oh look who has come down from the rooftops, it’s none other than Rod Hull.

“You’re a funny f***er aren’t you Dave making fun of how I met my maker. It’s all ITV’s fault I snuffed it”.

Is that because they sacked you Rod ??

“No, it’s cause they sold out on the footy. I had to get it back to the England game from Channel XXXXX from Holland. They were showing “Grotbags does Emuland” the night before and I had to watch the buxom witch weaving her magic.”

That is one image too many Rod. Word is you are near Tony Hart.

“Yep that’s right but I’m glad to be next to that miserable get. I had to move clouds. They put Jade Goody next to me. First thing she asked was who I was. I said I was famous for spending every night sticking my fist up the arse of an artificial bird. “Facking Hell ” she said I didn’t know Peter Andre was dead…………”. Thick bint.”

Speaking of the bird, how is life without Emu ?

“F****g great, it’s amazing how much more you can do with 2 hands. Beer and w*****g no problem at all now, well if I was still alive they would be”

Rod, your predictions please….
“Ok, lets get on with it….The welsh clubs are looking to Finnish strong and may have good success this week. There are 2 Derbies in Yorkshire, look for the visitors to emerge triumphant in both. QPR’s season is sliding down quicker than an out of control Georgian on a tea tray on a mountain, look for Sheffield to capitalise and keep their play off hopes alive. Oh, there’s somebody having draws, yes there’s somebody having draws …. West Brom and Reading to be precise. As for the rest, go with the home teams – this isn’t an egg-sact science you know ” (how much are we paying this bloke, nowt? It’s still too much, that’s enough now – Ed).

Well thanks Rod, hope you do better than the last few for my coupon, bit of a lottery predicting these scores, I mean who can see into the future (I’m saying nowt – Ed). At this rate I may have to buy stuff and cook it. I can never get the kebab just right in my own kitchen. Until next week …..